An honest account of grief, reinvention and why I still enjoy working with women. Maybe especially because of all this.

Sunday is International Women’s Day

I was invited to an event. In Hamburg. One of those networking events. The kind of events that look great on paper, where a coach is supposed to be. Be visible. Network. Make connections.

I’m not going.

Der Weltfrauentag ist ein wichtiger Anlass, um über die Errungenschaften von Frauen zu reflektieren und die Herausforderungen zu erkennen, mit denen sie konfrontiert sind.

Not because the topic doesn’t matter to me. Not because I don’t care about women. But because the last two years have taught me to listen more carefully – to what my body and my gut are actually telling me. And right now, both are saying: no.

What these two years actually were

There are years you simply survive. And then there are years that change you.

In August 2024, I lost my mother. In May 2025, my father.

If you’ve lost both parents, you know: it’s not a loss like others. It’s the end of an entire world. Suddenly there’s no one standing in front of you anymore. You’re next in line. In a way, that sucks.

And in the middle of all that, while I was trying to grieve, to breathe, to understand what had happened, life just kept moving. In July, I took on a part-time job. Simply to have something stable. Something that provides structure when you no longer have the energy to structure yourself. That wasn’t a defeat. That was self-care, even if it didn’t feel that way at the time and at times it still doesn’t.

The silence no one talks about

I had built my positioning around women in Germany who want to start a business. I created content, developed offers, and showed up consistently. And then: silence. Almost no response.

That hurts. Even when you know that this is part of being an entrepreneur. It still hurts.

I asked myself whether I should stop. Whether this topic was even right for me.

The answer is: I’m not walking away from it. But I’m no longer chasing it with an intensity that drains me. I’ve coached several women even one female  founder, in English, and that work was genuinely beautiful. The topic remains close to my heart. But it can also be smaller, without being worth less.

Because what I’ve realized at the same time: there’s another area that is calling me. With a clarity I hadn’t known before.

Between two worlds – this isn’t just a metaphor

I’m American. And German. Both at the same time. The only place I’ve ever truly found the middle ground is Ireland. That’s not a romantic image, that’s my reality. And it took me many years to stop seeing this in-between state as a problem, and to recognize it for what it actually is: a rare perspective.

That’s exactly why working with international women in Germany resonates with me so deeply. Women who moved here – for work, for a partner, for a new life – and who suddenly realize: living here, working here, maybe even building a business here, is nothing like home. The system is different. The language is different. The unwritten rules are different. And you’re standing somewhere in the middle of all of it.

I know that feeling. From the inside. And I believe that’s exactly why this work doesn’t feel like work to me.

Networking events and the truth that rarely gets said out loud

I’m introverted. I don’t say that as an excuse, I say it because I’ve come to understand that it’s part of who I am, and it deserves respect, not correction.

My experiences at women’s networking events are rarely positive. You arrive alone. You see the groups. You try to join. You get politely questioned, politely praised. And then people turn back to their circle.

“Oh, how lovely, what you do!”  and that’s where it ends. No real conversation. No real curiosity.

I am part of one network where it’s different. Where it feels a little like coming home. So it does exist. But it’s rare.

After these past two years, I have no energy left for surface. And that’s not a weakness. That’s clarity.

Why I keep going. Why I have to.

There’s something that won’t let me go. Every day I watch what’s being sold to women who want to build a business. Quick-fix promises. Hype. Influencers acting as though success is simply a matter of the right mindset.

And every time I think: this woman deserves better. She deserves someone who actually looks closely.

I studied business psychology – deliberately – because I always knew I needed both: the clear-eyed view of structures, markets, systems. And the understanding of what’s really happening beneath the surface. I work with EFT – Emotional Freedom Techniques – because I’ve experienced firsthand what it means when you know what you should do, but your body and your emotions simply won’t cooperate.

This isn’t a method for weak moments. It’s a tool for people who genuinely want to understand what’s holding them back.

Sunday is International Women’s Day. I’m staying home.

I won’t be going to Hamburg. I won’t be making forced small talk. I won’t be smiling and pretending I haven’t just spent 18 months navigating grief, reorientation, and rebuilding.

Instead, I’m writing this. Because honesty is worth more than presence.

And because I believe that’s exactly what the women I want to work with need: not a polished coach with a ready-made concept. But someone who knows what it’s like to stand between worlds – and keep going anyway.

 

If you’re an international woman in Germany and you feel caught between two worlds – professionally or personally – that’s exactly the space I work in. With business expertise, business psychology, and EFT. In English.

I’d love to hear from you.